Change the Inner Critical Voice

Do you have an inner critic?

It’s a negative voice in your head that calls you names, nay-says your ideas and holds you back.

Having a critical inner voice is not your personality, it’s not who you are, it’s just a mental habit and it can be changed.

My critical voice liked to say, ‘You’re so stupid’ or it would blame me when things went wrong.

I didn’t know that so many other people had this negative voice too (even as many as 80% of us) and we don’t even realize it because it’s just there in the back of your mind.

In NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, we say: ‘Every part of us is trying to get something positive.’

So we look for what the mind is trying to do and then help it find new strategies that have better results.

When I applied this to my inner critic, I realized it wanted to motivate me to do better. But the criticism had the OPPOSITE effect.

I would often feel defeated and take things way too personally. When does your inner critic show up? What is it trying to get for you?

Our unconscious mind is always listening to what we say and responds much like any 6 year old does on an emotional level.

If you criticize a 6 year old and point out what they do wrong, what do they do? They withdraw, they shut down and hold back. But if you tell them what they are doing right and use encouragement, what do they do then?

They light up, they beam and try harder for you.

In my psychology studies, researchers found this phenomenon to be true in business as well. People work harder for recognition than they do for monetary rewards. As adults, our inner self is really no different from 6 year olds.

We respond in much the same way: we shrink back from criticism and light up with encouragement. If you keep telling yourself the negatives, what does that do to your motivation? How does that make you feel?

It’s really hard to work toward your goals if the voice in your mind is telling you, ‘you can’t do it’ and pointing out your flaws. But what if we could harness all of the energy and power of the inner critic to notice what we are doing WELL instead and use encouragement?

How would you feel then? Better than criticism is to notice what’s working so that you can do more of what’s working and you can build on all the positives in your life. It actually makes more sense than criticism doesn’t it?

So which would you rather have? Criticism or encouragement?

Go internally now and ask your unconscious mind (the greater awareness of your whole mind, body, spirit system) if it’s willing to switch now from focusing on criticism to focusing on encouragement? Notice what answer you get.

Sometimes it doesn’t want to switch because it’s afraid that switching to encouragement isn’t motivating enough. Or it learned criticism from a parent or teacher.

But notice the effects of the old pattern. If you feel self defeated and depressed, that’s not very motivating is it? If you had a friend that said those things to you, you wouldn’t put up with it very long, would you? But often we do it to ourselves.

You know a strategy is working for you by how it makes you feel. If it motivates you to keep moving forward, it’s working. If it takes away your energy and drains you, it’s not working. It makes a huge difference in how we operate when we shift from focusing on problems to focusing on what’s right, especially when the unconscious mind makes the switch.

It was about 10 years ago that I changed my inner critic to encouragement through NLP and life got so much easier. It relieved a layer of stress I didn’t know I had. I felt less defeated as I stopped putting myself down, and I had greater appreciation for what I had already achieved. I could see events realistically without taking things personally. I also found the freedom to appreciate myself and the courage to write my two books.

One of my clients cleared up 10 years of depression in a single session. Her mind had created a habit of pointing out her flaws and picking herself apart in the mirror in the morning. Once we switched what her mind was focusing on, it made a huge difference in how she felt about herself and she could face the day with energy and aliveness. See the article, Is it depression or is it a mental habit? 

This article was designed to change your critical voice – did it shift for you? As the mind learns new perspectives and gains a new positive focus it can shift quickly – even if it’s something we’ve lived with our whole lives. And sometimes it needs a little more focus attention to help the mind completely shift from criticism to encouragement.

Did it shift for you? Leave your comment on the blog, I’d love to hear from you.