The Holidays – Family, Food, and Ruffled Feathers!

Ah! The Holidays! That means that it’s time for family, food, and fun.  As we enjoy more family get togethers it  also means more chances for ruffled feathers and difficult communication.  I remember when I was growing up, me and my sister were best of friends. I was a little like a puppy, following her around and always wanting to do everything that she was doing. In fact, I remember my sister saying with  frustration, “How can I be my own person if you are always doing everything I do?” We were teenagers then.

Sometime later, my sister moved away. Of course as life continues, she met a special someone, her fiancée, who became her new best friend.  I remember trying to be open and accepting, but he and I just kept butting heads. This pattern caused a lot of stress and went on for years and years …until.

Thanksgiving Day, six years ago, I went back to Utah to visit my family. I was not looking forward to seeing my sister’s husband, Adam, he just got under my nerves! Well, of course seeing my sister meant he would also be there. I braced myself, even hearing myself muttering away in my mind about all his flaws, and I caught myself, noticing my negativity. I had been taking NLP courses and recognized that the energy we hold, whether positive or negative, attracts the same energy and response from others. “I am willing to let go of the negatives,” I thought to myself.

Before the festivities, I was sweeping the floor in my mother’s house.  Adam, my sisters husband, came in and said something. I don’t even remember what it was, but it just rankled. I got pissed! What are you always judging me for? You think you’re so perfect, but you are so critical of everyone. It’s like walking on eggshells with you!

He stopped dead in his tracks and said, “I feel the same way about you. It doesn’t seem to matter what I say, you always take it the wrong way.” We stood there for a moment looking at each other as it began to dawn on the both of us that we had both been assuming, “he/she is out to get me.”

I hadn’t imagined that he was on my side.  I hadn’t imagined that he thought well of me, and the both of us had been at war for years, reacting out of the false assumption that the other was looking for the worst ( in me).

What if you just assumed that your relatives wanted the best for you? Even though our personalities sometimes clash, and perhaps we don’t always use the best choice of words, but really, what if we are all intending positive things. And in recognizing the positive intentions, you were to assume that the relatives in your life were hoping the best for you (even if you imagine that they aren’t.) How would that change your communication, and perhaps your relationship?

From this moment, Adam’s and my relationship just changed, we were both willing to let go of the negatives and assume the best in each other.  We no longer have to walk on eggshells, our relationship has changed because the assumption has changed.

Sometimes we just need to be willing to let go of the negatives. Just being willing to let go of the negative will open up a window for something more. What if you were just to assume that everyone wanted the best for you?

Our reality isn’t real at all – it’s just our interpretation of it. If you want to change your reality, change your perspective, change your perception. When you change your perception, you change your reality!