Changing Money Habits: A shop-aholic says I’m saving

Marinda was 39 and had come in to me work on weight loss and healthy lifestyle.

“What we did with cravings last week really worked. I couldn’t believe it, it was like the craving for soda just vanished overnight. Can Hypnosis also work with the compulsion to shop?” She asked.

“What do you mean the compulsion to shop?” I asked.

“Well, I have a credit card and I’m trying to pay it down, but I just get into these shopping modes. I find myself buying things I don’t need and it’s usually clothes and watches. It’s like a compulsion, I even realized that I’m doing it, I’ll even say to myself, ‘I shouldn’t be shopping, I’m trying to pay off my card,’ but it doesn’t work. I go out anyway. I end up stopping off at the shops on my way home from work,“  she said.

“So tell me about when you have this urge to shop, what do you think and feel as you are shopping? And what do you say to yourself?” I asked.

“Well the last time I went out I was looking at watches and I was thinking, ‘I could this watch or that watch,’ I was trying them on, picturing me in my presentation with the new watch. I just felt happy.”

“How much was the watch?” I asked.

“It was $20. ” She said.

“That doesn’t really sound like a problem” I said.

“It may not sound like a lot, but this is my 21^st watch. I didn’t need another watch, but I bought it anyway. And it’s not just watches, don’t get me started about the shoes…some I’ve never even worn.”

“Think about the times that you get into the shopping mode, if you could notice what you are thinking and feeling just before you head out?” I asked.

Her eyes darted from right to left, she sat still for a moment, then the lights went on in her eyes as she gasped.  “You know I think it’s about work.  I shop on the way home from work.  Particularly when I have a big presentation coming up, I get nervous about it and that’s when the urge hits me. I get the insatiable urge to shop.”

“So what do you think and feel when you have a big presentation coming up for work?” I asked.

“I feel stressed, nervous.  I feel scattered, it’s hard to focus.” She said.  “I just feel stressed. Life seems chaotic and out of control, that’s when I feel the need to shop.” She said.

And what do you say to yourself as you get ready for a presentation? I asked.

Her mouth twisted up to the left as she thought. “I usually say, I hope I don’t mess this up.” She said.

“So when you feel stressed and life feels out of control, that’s when you feel the urge to shop?” I asked.

Yes, I hadn’t thought about it that way, but yes.

And what do you feel when you go shopping? And what do you say to yourself?

She said. “I feel happy.  I like looking at everything that I could buy. I guess it feels like I have choices.” It’s like I have choices and when I shop I say to myself, I could get this or I could get this. I just feel better. Until I get home and realized that I’ve bought more stuff that I don’t need, and then I just feel guilty.”

Marinda was shopping to feel better. Many of our addictions, impulses and cravings are like this, we are trying to feel better. 

We recognized that part of the urge to shop was triggered by stress about presentations at work. Behind the stress were a handful of worries, ‘what if I mess up,’ ‘ I have to get it right, people are judging me.’ These ideas were responsible for feeling out of control and shopping provided a sense of control and stress relief.

The stress she was experiencing was made worse by her self talk which was tuning her mind into picturing and imagining her messing up the presentation and imagining the people judging her. The shopping created a feeling of being able to choose and having options. She couldn’t control others judging her, but she could control or choose the watch she wore, so in a way that helped her feel more capable.

You can see that this situation there is a tangled web, different thoughts and feelings feeding the pattern.

Often there are multiple layers involved that feed into the problem, however as we recognize the threads and change them, we can unravel the old impulses and habits and help the brain set up new ones in its place.

In Marinda’s case, we changed the automatic self talk adding to the stress patterns, and then we also addressed the stress and fears around presentations and boosting her confidence. We also wanted to create a goal that was bigger than watches and shoes, so she decided to save for a cruise trip with her husband.

Now when she walks past the shops, she says to herself, “I’m saving” and keeps in mind the bigger reward and payoff.

What is it for you that is worth saving for?

As you boost your baseline of well being, old habits and behaviors can simply fall away, like overeating or over shopping. These impulses are controlled by the automatic or unconscious mind – and we can update it.

Join me for the next class, 7 Levels of Wealth Online 

Learn about money habits and patterns, the 5 Foundations you need to increase income and grow your wealth.