What’s the problem with New Year’s Resolutions? Try this…
There’s some problems with resolutions and how we typically set our goals. Its a new year, and with the new year, this arbritrary calendar day, it can still feel like a clean slate, like a new page ready to be written. And so we feel inspired and sit down to write a New Year’s Resolution, we write out our list of goals and typically they sound like this:
- This year I will stop drinking
- This year I will lose that 20 pounds
- This year I will make more money or get that job or start a business
And then in the peanut gallery of your mind pipes up, (yes this is a Muppet Show reference of the two critics in the balcony using sarcasm and throwing peanuts during the muppet show, shows how old I am!)
“I’ve heard that one before! Oh no here we go again,” we hear that voice in our heads, while we brace ourselves for screwing up. Its inevitable, we know we’re going to fall off the wagon, but we still write out the list of “I musts and I have tos”
In a way we are actually preparing ourselves to fall of the wagon. And our resolutions become monsters of guilt and shame, as if they are looking over our shoulder and we judge ourselves by what we haven’t done. And yet again its all too easy to go down that spiral of self defeat.
But what if there were an easier way? Yes there is, let’s tame your monsters
As I looked over my intentions from last year and the recommitting to intentions this year, I recognize some intentions have come to fruition, but others are still cooking, half baked.
Rather than going into guilt and shame about what isn’t done, recognize the progress. By recognizing progress, we curtail self judgment and self blame and we acknowledge where we improved.
NLP Principle: There is no failure, there is only feedback.
This is one of the guiding NLP principles or in NLP speak: Presuppositions. There are concepts in life that we take for granted because everyone does them, like the idea of “failure.” And in goal achievement we get focused on the idea of failure vs success, we either achieved it or we didn’t.
We tame the inner monsters by shifting out of pass / fail and into process and progress. It’s like learning to ride a bicycle or learning to play a musical instrument, its a process of learning, adjusting and figuring it out. Everything in life is a process of learning, shifting, adjusting and figuring it out. Whether its riding a bicycle, learning to talk, learning to walk, or managing money, making nourishing friendships or finding fulfilling work, etc.
So, now that we have the foundation of process and progress, then revisit last year’s intentions. Is there something on your list from last year half baked? What were your intentions last year?
“I’d like to play the guitar” but what time did you actually dedicate to the process?
- Where did you actually spend your time and your focus?
- How can you reprioritize your time and energy to what’s most important?
You probably have a list of goals for the year. I like to say Intentions rather than goals or resolutions, they feel lighter, more open to creativity rather than rigidigy of goals. Follow these next steps:
- Write out your list of plans or intentions
- Pioritize 1 most important, 2 next important, 3 and so on, so on.
- Pick 1 top priority, what small daily habit could you do to move that progress forward?
There is magic in habits, a habit is something you do everyday ideally. When you do a small habit daily, your brain remembers, like brushing your teeth. When its part of your routine, you don’t overthink it, you just do it.
So recognizing your priorities, what small habit supports your bigger intentions?
Want to take it even deeper?
What are the habits, attitudes and beliefs that support you in this?
And who are you becoming as you are prioritizing this ________in your life?
As we embrace who we are becoming with this change, we shift at a profound level, we become aligned with the energy of what we want, it even borders on a manifesting strategy, as we embrace and embody, we become.
What if we defined ourselves not by the past, but defined ourselves by our aspirations and who we are becoming.
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