Why are relationships so complicated?

Relationship Coaching for couples and families“You’re hair looks good today?” he said.
“What do you mean by that?” she sneered.
“I just said it looks good today, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“So other days it doesn’t look good, but today it does?”
“sheesh…”

Have you ever had conversations like this, you say something and the other person’s response is from way out in left field?

In short, each of us takes in information, it runs through the inner filters of the brain (the mind interprets communication according to our past experiences, expectations, ideas, beliefs) and the mind then comes out with the meanings.

This all happens automatically and within seconds at the unconscious levels of the mind.

Our first examples of relationships come from our parents, so their patterns (either side) becomes our default map.

Your brain has an inner filter about relationships which becomes your rulebook. Because its unconscious and automatic, its also hidden. Each of us has our own hidden rulebook.

When we talk with others, whether a friend, family member, coworker, or spouse/lover, we are often not on the same page. The other person’s ‘respect’ rules are on page 29, but your ‘respect’ rules are on page 4.

In fact, often times we aren’t even playing the same game! Some of us are playing the love and connection game. Some of us are playing the “I have to win” game. Some of us are playing the “I have to prove my worth and value” game.

And yes…it gets complicated.

There are steps, however, to untangling the many aspects of relationships and it all comes down to UNDERSTANDING HUMANS!

Here’s a Few Steps to Get Started:

1. Recognize Everyone Has an (Unconscious) Inner Rulebook
2. Be Aware: Your Rulebook Could Be Very Different From Others Rulebooks
3. Bring Curiosity to Yourself & Others
4. Notice: What Habits (Thoughts, Feelings, Beliefs) are You Doing in Relationships?
5.  Choose: What Would You Like to Be Doing Instead?
6. Set Up New Habits Around Relationships

The clearer you get with you, the easier it gets to be clear with others, which creates better communication, connection and relationships.

The problem is the brain is running habits, patterns and programs automatically, often that we aren’t even aware of.

Has your relationship rulebook been updated? Or is it still written in 6 year old scrawl? Lol ~ if you are wanting to feel more connected, accepted and valued, it sure helps to UNDERSTAND HUMANS.

Ready to reduce conflict and uplevel your relationships? Check out the next NLP Training class here

We’ll be decoding and demystifying relationship patterns, so you can uplift and enlighten your connections. There is a process to creating the relationships and connections you want.